Friday, December 24, 2004

My brother has, of late, been playing the Nintendo Gamecube game "The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker".

I kept referring to the main villain as "Zanon" instead of "Ganon".

Only a few of you will understand why.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

"...What day is it today? Don't tell me you've forgotten...."
"Why? Is today special?"
"Is it a holiday?"
"Ohhh, it is a most unholy day, indeed! This date will be forever remembered for bringing something terrible into the world!"
"Uncle! If you want us to celebrate your birthday, you should just say so!"

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

One of the slides from my CS 251 class:

Advanced Topics: Other Justification Techniques

  • Proof by Excessive Waving of Hands

  • Proof by Incomprehensible Diagram

  • Proof by Very Large Bribes
    - see instructor after class

  • Proof by Violent Metaphor
    - Don't argue with anyone who always assumes a sequence consists of hand grenades

  • The Emperor's New Clothes Method
    - "This proof is so obvious only an idiot wouldn't be able to understand it."

Our professor also mentioned other proofs, such as proof by intimidation and proof by obfuscation. But he said we shouldn't try that until we become grad students.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

"Chocolate-covered communion wafers--the Flavier Saviour!"
"I see! An alien class reunion! A Buddhist monk roasting fish... a beautiful girl standing outside the 3rd story window... and snow-women coming out of lockers?
It's not as if that's the first time that's happened!"
[Josh] Hey, how come you don't let me say things like that?
[Me] 'Cause you're not gay like I am.
[Benji] *nods, then after a moment looks up* Are you?
[Me] No!
[Benji] How should I know! How many of your girlfriends have I met?
[Me] How many have I had?
[Benji] Well, there you go.
[Me] *pause, then clap hands to head in horror* Oh my god, it's TRUE!

Thursday, December 9, 2004

Via Bob Harris:

The secret to eternal youth is repeated blows to the head.

Which explains a lot about Duck, really.
Best explanation of Chanukah ever.

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Debora disclaimer

Some proof that Jesus hated pigs and their owners.

Jesus's family values

More of Jesus's family values

Jesus was a vampire! If you drank his blood, you became immortal.

Another Thanksgiving anecdote

Over Thanksgiving, my step-brother Benji, mom and I got into a conversation about religion--in specific, Judaism--after we Googled "rabbi AND prayer AND porn" to find the prayer that Shlomo Eliahu composed for visiting porn sites while visiting the web.

In the midst of this conversation, Benji noted the above phenomenon wasn't terribly surprising, since Judaism has a prayer for just about everything. As an example, he explained that after God flooded the Earth, he created a rainbow to symbolize to Noah the promise that he would never do it again. So according to the rabbis, whenever you see a rainbow now it means that God is reminding us that the only reason he's not smiting us like a red-headed step-child is because he said he wouldn't. We are supposed to therefore recite a prayer in thanks.

I like to think that said prayer goes something like this: "Blessed are you, Lord our God, who does not give us the smitings we so richly deserve."

I have also of late discovered that (at least according to The Infancy Gospel of Thomas) Jesus was not a very nice child. He was exceptionally arrogant, insulting, and had a habit of cursing or killing people that made him angry.

I am convinced that Jason should make a movie based on this: Jesus as a rebellious teenage biker.

Monday, December 6, 2004

In my Data Structures course, the professor recently asked us to guess what it means to perform an amortized analysis of something. Since we didn't know what amortized meant, he told us to guess what that meant.

Paul noticed that it had the fragment 'mort' in it, so he conjectured that it involved killing someone.
I rebutted that it also had the fragment 'amor' in it, indicating that we're loving something.
So we compromised and conjectured that it involved necrophilia.

As it turns out, it doesn't.

Saturday, December 4, 2004

When most organizations solicit for money, they present a checklist with options that are generally increments of 25, or 10, or 50, or some such.

Hillel, on the other hand, presents the following checklist in their request for your money:
$1800__ $720__ $360__ $180__ $118__ other__

Friday, December 3, 2004

[Nobody] "Aren't you cold?"
[Me] "The burning sensation in my chest keeps me warm!"
[Nobody] "'Burning sensation'? What's that, love?"
[Me] "No. Hiatal hernia."

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Amusing Thanksgiving Break quotes

Mom: "I've been slaving all day over a hot... skillet." (or something; all I remember is, it wasn't 'stove')
Henry: "I've been slaving all day over a hot computer."
Me: [Clapping my half-naked elder step-brother on the shoulder] "I've been slaving all day over a hot blonde."

...There was another I wanted to post, but I've forgotten it. Will post later, if'n I remember.
From alicublog:

REV. JAMES EARL BONAFIDE: [...] So, are you all homosexuals, or just the women?

PROFESSOR FRENZNERL: That seems rather a tactless thing to say. Fortunately my kind believes that violence never solved anything.

REV. JAMES EARL BONAFIDE: Now that's just Satanic. Our Lord Jesus Christ used to get into fistfights all the time, just to show the disciples who was boss. And when he drove the moneychangers from the temple, he actually broke a man's neck and killed him. They tried to hush it up, but you'll find a full account of it in the Gnostic Gospels.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

I'm sure none of you care what I've been up to lately, but seeing as you're still here you've not yet learned your lesson.

I've been reading about sex, cunnilingus, fellatio, masturbation and the variety of devices used therefor, mutual masturbation, anal sex, varieties of positions, homosexuality and heterosexuality, incest, orgies, and communication in the midst of coitus.

In animals, that is. *shifty eyes*

And now, for bizarre oddities.
"Male Botos [a species of river dolphin] occasionally insert the penis into a male partner's blowhole (on the top of his head!), while male Orang-utans have been observed retracting their penis to form a sort of "hollow" or concavity that another male can penetrate."

Sunday, November 21, 2004

A photo caption of the AFP on November 16 reads: "A British hooligan in the streets of Belgium. The typical Briton is polite, witty and phlegmatic, but lacks a certain style and has a dental hygiene issue while having an occasional drinking problem"

And, if you were to listen to the people I've been arguing with, the typical Muslim is indoctrinated to commit genocide. Why, it's shocking that the streets of America haven't been awash with blood, what with our 6-7 million Muslims living in our very midst!

But it's interesting to see how they condemn the Qu'ran for saying that they should kill infidels, while ignoring the fact that the same commandments exist exist in Judaism. Or they'll go on and on about Muhammad attacking other tribes and conveniently make up excuses for the fact that Moses and Joshua did exactly the same thing. Not to mention what Judah, David, Samson, and everyone else did. And then these people will rail against Muslims for forcibly converting people and killing infidels... all the while apparently completely ignorant of just what Christian missionaries and the Spanish Inquisition did.

These people annoy me.
But these two images amuse me.

Monday, November 15, 2004

A "strategery"

  • Whenever somebody goes off about how the Bible says fags are sinners, I plan on asking them if they have children.

    If they say they do, I will ask them if those children have ever not listened to them.

    If they answer in the affirmative, I will ask them, if they are such fans of the Bible, why they still have these children.

  • If somebody says that all Muslims are depraved, vile creatures who are taught to slaughter all infidels, I will ask them to look up Deuteronomy 13:6 and Deuteronomy 13:13.

    I also plan on memorizing this and reciting it to the next Mormon I meet.


Thursday, November 11, 2004



That is all.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

National Priorities

Am I the only one who thinks that organizing the largest temper tantrum in known history is just a mite childish?Australia: Create literate, and thus safer, cars
America: Grow rat brains to run your flight simulator
Germany: Revolutionize beer-brewing techniques

I wonder what Henry would think if I told him that the flight simulators he loves so much are capable of being operated by a rat brain with less than 1/40000 the number of brain cells a human has.

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

Am I the only one who thinks that organizing the largest temper tantrum in known history is just a mite childish?

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Four more years....

Weep for the future, Na'Toth.
Weep for us all.


Tuesday, November 2, 2004

I gave blood yesterday, for the first time. The lady gave me a foam piggy to squeeze as she sucked my blood; I wanted to keep it, but she said I couldn't.
But now I know that those who say you're supposed to get dizzy and hungry after having your blood drained are vile, pernicious liars.

Anyways. According to one site I'm following, most (in fact, all the ones that they're keeping track of) of the news channels have declared that both Indiana and Kentucky have gone to Bush. I am deeply ashamed.
The cleansings shall begin tomorrow. *sharpens his blades*

There have been numerous statements made to the effect of "If Bush gets reelected, I'm fleeing the country." But if we all do that, it'll just leave Bush's constituency as the sole population of America--then he'll be completely unopposed, and able to pass any crazy laws he likes. Imagine if he were able to repeal the 22nd amendment.

And now, Pope Buddha the First--the waterfowl previously known as Duck--shall boggle your minds with his geniosity.

Today, Duck shall use mathematical induction to debunk the Holocaust.
What is mathematical induction, you ask? It is a technique used to prove a proposition true for the entire set of natural numbers. First, you must prove the proposition true for some initial number N0, which is usually 0 or 1, but could be anything. Then you prove that if the proposition holds for N, it must hold for N + 1. This has a domino effect of proving the proposition true for all numbers greater than or equal to N0.

(As an aside, the opposite of induction is called infinite descent, which would make an excellent name for one of the moves of Harold the Dork Knight.)

As an example, just to whet your appetite, Duck shall prove that all horses in a set of N horses are the same color.
Base case: Clearly, this is true when N = 1. All horses in any set of 1 horse are the same color.
Inductive step: Assume that the proposition holds for N = K; that is, all the horses in a set of K horses are the same color. Consider then any group of K + 1 horses--let us number them 1,2,3,...,k,k+1. By our assumption, the first K horses (1,...,k) are the same color, as are the last K horses (2,...,k+1). Since these two sets overlap, all K + 1 horses must be of the same color. Therefore, the proposition is true for K + 1 and thus all horses are the same color.

And now, Duck's long-awaited proof that the Holocaust was an odious lie. The so-called "Holocaust" involved the deaths of millions of people; Duck shall prove that no-one, in fact, died in the Holocaust, and therefore it did not happen.
Base case: We know that there is at least one person that "survived" this "Holocaust", and therefore did not die. Let us call him "Magneto".
Inductive step: Assume there are K people who did not die in the Holocaust. Add Magneto to this group to arrive at a group of K + 1 people who did not die in the Holocaust.
Ergo, nobody died in the Holocaust.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

I hurt you with my words

In my CS 251 class, we cover various data structures of use in programming: trees, graphs, queues, stacks, etc. So oftentimes the professor will draw an example of how we might envision one of these data structures on the blackboard, and he'll occasionally ask the class to give him numbers to fill into the nodes. The first time he called on me, I said "pi". The second time, I said "e".

He doesn't call on me anymore.

And now, it's time for...
Duck's Classroom Corner
-with Professor Duck

Today, Duck will prove to you that 2n = 0, where n is any natural number.

First off, we know that 2n - 1 = 20 + 21 + 22 + 23 + ... + 2n - 2 + 2n - 1
In binary, the ith bit of a bitstring, starting at 0 and from the rightmost bit, is equal to 2i. Therefore, the righthand side of the equation becomes the bitstring 1111...11

But! In binary, the most significant (or left-most) bit is known as the sign bit, meaning that it indicates whether the number is positive or negative. Let's show our bitstring again, with the most significant bit highlighted:
Since the most significant bit is 1, this number is clearly negative. But negative what? To negate a two's-complement binary number, you invert every bit and add 1 to the result. Let's investigate further:
     1111...11 <= What we started with
     0000...00 <= After inverting each bit
     0000...01 <= After adding 1

So we see that the negative of 1111...11 is just 1; therefore, 1111...11 = -1.
But recalling our previous equality, we know that 2n - 1 = 1111...11, and by the transitive property of equality, we know therefore that 2n - 1 = -1.

After adding one to both sides, we arrive at our final result:
     2n = 0

Next class, Duck proves that the total number of dead in the Holocaust was also 0... or, as Duck might say, 2n.

Debora, you might want to stop reading at this point.

Y'all should visit this site.
Where else could you find a woman telling you that John Kerry eats fetal stems cells, will kill every unborn child in the world, will kill every newborn male of the Hebrews, and will elect activist judges like Saddam Hussein to the Supreme Court? That's something the liberal media won't report!
Nor do they seem to be making widely known the massive ignorance (or possibly denial) of Bush's constituency.

Monday, October 11, 2004

On the Honest Reporting blog, someone posted a comment berating Israel's creation, in defense of the "native" Palestinians*. In it, she wrote "How many countries can be named that have become states by... terrorizing and massacring... [and] waging terrorist campaigns...?"

I hope the irony of this is not lost on all of you.
If it is, we must have a long talk.

*No, I'm not implying that the Palestinians were not native to the land. I'm taking offense at her implication that the Jews who formed a homeland there weren't living there before 1948

Friday, October 8, 2004

There've been a whole buncha fliers posted around campus telling people to vote for the Homecoming King & Queen--including some fake ones for Cthulhu, Kodos, and Lando Griffin for Homecoming King.

I think some guy should register as a Homecoming Queen candidate and run with the slogan, "Vote for the Homecoming Drag Queen."

Thursday, September 30, 2004


On Wednesdays, I have a 3-hour lab at 7:30 in the morning. Ten minutes after that, I have the lecture for that same class. An hour after that, I have another class.
All in the same building.
So I spend upwards of six hours in the EE building on Wednesdays... joy.

Well, today I finished the lab two hours early. We had to implement a set of specific functions with the integrated circuits in our lab kit. But during the pre-lab in which I designed my circuit, I didn't have my kit with me... so I wasn't aware what chips were actually at my disposal. I made some conservative guesses and designed my circuit.
Turns out one of the chips I used three times, wasn't in the kit.
So I cheated.
I used one of the integrated circuits from one of my other classes.

But that's not the point of this update.
The point is, after I got out of the lab, I sat out in front of the classroom for my next class for about 90 minutes--which means I sat through the entire lecture before us. So that means I heard the teacher assign their homework at the beginning of class.
She told them, "Your homework is to engage in deviant behavior."
I think one of them should've walked out of class as their deviant behavior. But no-one did.

And! On the walk to the lab this morning (around 6:45, I guess), I saw a rabbit on one of the large grails outside some building. It reminded me of how our cats would sleep on top of the heat registers back at our old house. And it was kinda chilly today.

And I think I saw a squirrel bullying a chipmunk outside of my dorm on my way to dinner today. I chastised the squirrel, but he just gave me a look as if he was thinking "What, you want some of this?"

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Damn them!

The Gideons came to school! They caught me completely unprepared! Grrr.

Oh, well. I don't really have enough money to buy a couple dozen copies of the Bhagavad-Gita and give one to each Gideon who gives me a Bible. Though I did to one.

Maybe some year I'll get a large box of Necronomicon's and set up shop right next to one of them, pushing a Necronomicon on everyone who gets a Bible.

Monday, September 20, 2004

By your powers combined, I am Captain Jolly!

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

Nobody Wants to be Lectured by an Invisible Cow

That's all you get. Off with you, now.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

[Somebody] I hate you.
[Me] That makes two of us.
[Somebody] You hate yourself?
[Me] Everbody does it; I just want to be popular.

Saturday, September 4, 2004

Random Duck quotes et al.

"And tonight I have a message for the people of Iraq: go home and die."Earlier this week, I was having a dream about... something related to death or the afterlife. I can't rightly recall.
But anyway, when I woke up there was this really bright light shining down on me, and my first thought was "Oh crap, I'm dead."
But it turned out to be the moon. So I went back to sleep.

"Duck is a terrorist! Behold Duck and his mighty arsenal of atoms, any number of which Duck might split at the slightest provocation!"
"Uh... Duck, are you all right?"
"!! Why you...! Just for that, Duck's gonna split some atoms right nOW! OH DEAR GOD, DUCK'S SPINE!

"Oh yeah? Well, Duck's written a book that's so holy you're not allowed to read it. In fact, Duck should be put to death for being blasphemous enough to write the thing!"

Saturday, August 28, 2004

"And tonight I have a message for the people of Iraq: go home and die."

Saturday, August 21, 2004

"Poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."
George W. Bush, May 19 2003

Best. Bushism. Ever!

Monday, August 16, 2004

It was the Joooos!

This happened a while ago, but I'm gonna write about it now because I can. And you're helpless to stop me.

Mordechai Vanunu (man who reported Israel's nuclear capabilities to the world), finally released from prison, recently said in an interview that according to "near-certain indications", JFK was assassinated because of / by Israel.

This was posted at the HonestReporting website's blog, MediaBackspin, in a rather derisive fashion. Someone commented in response, "Mossad is one of the few organizations never been under serious scrutiny for the assassination" (grammatical ineptitude in the original).

I clicked the link.
I read what it had to say.
I was not impressed.

So I posted in response:

I followed your link, and I fail to see any case; nothing but innuendo and insinuation. The entire theory boils down to "Ben-Gurion didn't like Kennedy's opposition to his ideas; Israel suddenly received aid from LBJ it didn't get under JFK; so Israel must have killed JFK".

JFK never made good on his promise to pass the Civil Rights Act. But under LBJ, it did pass.
Therefore, by your logic, Martin Luther King Jr. is just as likely a suspect as Ben-Gurion.

There were no other comments.

And now, here's what I'd look like in lingerie!

My Lingerie
Your LJ Username
Have you ever worn lingerie?
Your Lingerie
This cool quiz by lovely_mouse - Taken 11508 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!


Thursday, August 12, 2004

Link dumps

A group alleging links to al Qaida said it wants Bush to win because he "deals with matters by force rather than with wisdom".

It must be included, though, that some people doubt that group actually exists.

Not to mention, what does it matter who al Qaida supports?

Saturday, August 7, 2004


A confession!

I've got it on tape!

Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Yesterday, my brother and I were watching Erin Brockovich. After it ended, he commented how he really liked the line "I gave 634 blowjobs in 5 days. I'm really quite tired."

He then turned to me and said, "Bet you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

"What, giving 634 blowjobs in 5 days? You think I'm that efficient? You've had my blowjobs; you know how much I suck at them.
Or rather, how much I don't suck."

If you're still reading, bravo.

I must see this movie.

Monday, July 26, 2004

Not the answer you expected

[CLICHÉ GUY]: God, why do bad things happen to good people?
GOD stares at CLICHÉ GUY as if answer were obvious before replying
[GOD]: Because it's funny.

[TELEMARKETER]: Hello, would you be interested in buying--
[SOME PSYCHO]: If it's not hewn from the bones of the stillborn and swathed in human flesh, I'm not interested in anything!'


Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I was planning on writing an entry concerning my plans for the next week.

But I wrote this entry instead.

Saturday, July 17, 2004

This man deserves our support.

RoboChrist: Part Man. Part Machine. All Messiah.

Monday, July 12, 2004

I'm beginning to see what Henry means about the C-J

The local paper, the Courier-Journal, yesterday published a special article on massage parlors that serve as fronts for prostitution. In fact, they made a 6-page special section on the matter. On the back page of this section, they list 21 massage parlors involved in the business, listing their names, status (open/closed/etc), how many times since 1999 their employees have been arrested for prostitution, and their addresses. They even printed a crude map of Louisville, with the prostitution rings numbered and shown on the map.
When I asked mom if I could borrow the car, she just laughed.

And today, there was an article discussing how a local councilman wants to press the issue of a vote on gay-rights here. And I quote:
Peden says he opposes the gay-rights provision because he believes gays and lesbians choose to be gay and therefore should not be protected under the civil-rights law.
He went on to say that he would prefer that the metro civil-rights code also be silent on religious discrimination because religious affiliation is a choice.

So he's stupid, but at least he's consistently stupid.

Oh, and if you thought you were escaping this entry without any of my typical oddity, consider this:
Leprechauns hide pots of gold at the ends of rainbows.
Care Bears shoot rainbows from their stomachs.
Since Leprechauns cannot know when, or where, a Care Bear will partake of this polychromatic ejaculation, it becomes evident that Leprechauns are parasites living in the stomachs of Care Bears.
Therefore, it is clear that the quickest way to become rich is to capture and gut a Care Bear.

Wednesday, July 7, 2004

Non-Bipedal Room to Give Me a Red Touch

Bad thirsty deer, shy awny sayer.

Myopia in rats leads to a far worse treaty. Decathlon shelves heave dogs. Holy tons took tribes' shot.

Water shouts dandy tofu, Io to it.
Soal watershed has hay brith. I brush ewe, Gog.

Winter yet houses thin shrubs. Tough ham hit, gnawed a tad.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Post- "Fahrenheit 9/11" Revelations

After seeing Fahrenheit 9/11, I realized why anyone thought that Bush would be suited to the oil business:
'Cause he has a history of driving companies into the ground.

As we were loading groceries into the trunk of Mom's car after the movie, I noticed a rather peculiar feature. Her trunk has a lever to open the door... from the inside. I guess the manufacturers were worried about Mafia abductors stuffing you in the trunk of your own car.

Which means that I'm going to have to modify my plans to kidnap Zoe. Maybe I'll take Henry's car....

[Update] Hitler has revealed his mysteries to me! They involve an incontinent dog and Jesus in lederhosen....

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Jesus & Hitler -- Crime-Fighting Duo

I've been reading Myths and Facts: A Guide to the Arab-Israeli Conflict, and Friday Mom, Henry and I watched the documentary Relentless: The Struggle For Peace in the Middle East. I've been educating my mother on some of the history of the conflict, and discussing it and the various sources I read with her and Henry.

Saw Saved! last weekend. We were the first people in the theater, and were busy watching the commercials they were airing before the movie. When one for a church came up, Mom and I burst out laughing.

In other news, a few local theaters are showing Fahrenheit 9/11, so I'll be going to a matinee of that later--*checks clock*--today.

And in other other news, Debora's birthday is next Sunday. Rejoice and pay homage, puny mortals!

And in other other other news, damn you, Hitler! I desire to read of your new adventures! *shaky fist of ire*

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Recently someone asked me what I've been up to.

As that person does not know about the existence of this journal, and nobody but me reads this thing, it should be safe for me to answer that question here.

I'm currently awaiting the delivery of a Soviet flag that I hunted down and purchased. In the meanwhile, I've been looking up information on sex-change operations.

Planning on seeing Saved! later... well, today, technically. Hope to also see Fahrenheit 9/11 next week, if the local theaters decide to show it.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Random pictures

The caption just popped into my mind.

POTC manip

American politics at work.

Why does the computer feel the need to cheat at solitaire?


Tuesday, May 4, 2004

Random Lyrics

When der Fuehrer says, "We ist der master race"
We HEIL! HEIL! Right in der Fuehrer's face
Not to love Der Fuehrer is a great disgrace
So we HEIL! HEIL! Right in der Fuehrer's face
When Herr Göbbels says, "We own der world und space"
We HEIL! HEIL! Right in Herr Göbbels' face
When Herr Göring says they'll never bomb this place
We HEIL! HEIL! Right in Herr Göring's face

Are we not the supermen
Aryan pure supermen
Ja we ist der supermen
Super-duper supermen.

Ist this Nutzi land not good?
Would you leave it if you could?
Ja this Nutzi land is good!
Vee would leave it if we could

We bring the world to order
Heil Hitler's new world order
Everyone of foreign race will love der Fuehrer's face
When we bring to der world disorder

When der Fuehrer says, "We ist der master race"
We HEIL! HEIL! Right in der Fuehrer's face
When Der Fuehrer says, "We ist der master race"
We HEIL! HEIL! Right in der Fuhrer's face

-Disney, Der Fuehrer's Face

Chorus: Whatsa matta you? Hey! Gotta no respect.
Wuddya think you do? Why you looka so sad?
It'sa not so bad. It's a nice place, ah shuddupa your face!

-Joe Dolce, Shaddup Your Face

I was walkin' down the street on a sunny day,
A feelin' in my bones says I'll have my way,
I'm a happy boy (happy boy!), I'm a happy boy (happy boy!);
Oh, ain't it good when things are going your way? Hey hey!

My little dog Spot got hit by a car,
Put his guts in a box, and put him in a drawer,
I'm a happy boy (happy boy!), I'm a happy boy (happy boy!);
Oh, ain't it good when things are going your way? Hey hey!

I forgot all about for a month and a half,
I looked in the drawer, and I started to laugh,
'Cause I'm a happy boy (happy boy!), I'm a happy boy (happy boy!);
Oh, ain't it good when things are going your way? Hey hey!

-Beat Farmers, Happy Boy

--As you travel through Der Schöne Deutschland,
--A melody will greet your ears.
--It's a melody that's been around in Deutschland
--For fifteen to twenty years.

Each and ev'ry German dances to the strain
Of the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
All without exception join in the refrain
Of the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.

Goering was a crazy we wanted to deport.
Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
We all thought that Dachau was just a nice resort.
Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.

The German is so cultured, he does not like to fight.
The peaceful life is what he most enjoys.
For years, the German people were utterly convinced
I.G. Farben manufactured children's toys.

I never shot a Luger or goosed a single step.
Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.

Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.

Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.

--Was you not an SS guard? --I was not an SS guard.
I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
--Did you not love Ilsa Koch? --I did not love Ilsa Koch.
I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
--Did you not despise the Jews? --I did not; some of my best friends...
I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
--Did you not think Adolf great? --I did not. Adolf who?
--Adolf who! --Ja, Adolf who?
--Fritz, you're putting me on. --Was ist bedeuten sie, "Putting me on"?
--Are you kidding me or something? --Nein, I'm not kidding you. Adolf who?
--Adolf Hitler. --Should I know him? Is he a folksinger?
--You don't remember. --Nein, I don't remember him. Who was he?

A little man, very mean, very loud and brash. --Mm-mm.
Not too tall, he never smiled, wore a black mustache. --Nein; I never heard...
He had a girl, Eva Braun, hair as red as flame. --Ah, ja, ja.
He papered walls for many years till his moment came. --Of course!

He's the one who clapped his hands, went into a dance. --Ja!
When the news came to him that we had conquered France. --That's him!
He once said, when our flag proudly was unfurled,
"Today, Germany, tomorrow, the world!"
...tomorrow, the world! ...tomorrow, the world! ...tomorrow, the world!
--I never heard of him. --Neither did I.

To our Israeli allies let us raise a toast.
Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
Sure there were some Nazis, two or three at most.
Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.

We tried to throw out Hitler right from the very start.
That's what ev'ry hist'ry book should tell.
We hated Heinrich Himmler, Martin Bormann, too.
We believe as Sherman did that war is hell...hell...hell...hell...
...heil!...heil!...Seig heil!...Sieg heil!...Sieg heil!

Germans are as gentle as flowers in the spring.
Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
Germans are a people who love to dance and sing.
Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.

--Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You there, you are not singing. Did you not like to sing? Tell me, you still have a family in Germany, nicht wahr? Sing.

Sing the I Was Not a Nazi Polka.
Sieg heil!

-Chad Mitchell Trio, I Was Not A Nazi Polka

Is there a klavern in your town? (in your town?)
If not, then why not have us down? (have us down?)

You'll never recognize us, there's a smile upon our face
We're changin all our dirty sheets and a-cleanin up the place
Yep, since we got a lawyer and a public relations man,
We're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku Klux Klan

Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku Klux Klan
Ever since we got that lawyer and that public relations man
' course we did shoot one reporter, but he was just obscene
And you can't call us no filthy names - What does Anglo-Saxon mean?

Allemande left, allemande right, the Ladies' Auxiliary is meetin' tonight
'Cause the Klan's collected so much cash that now, by gum, we're rich white trash!

Now, we've heard it said our leadership's not qualified to lead
Well I'm tellin you that just ain't true - Why three of them can read
Take our Grand Exalted Dragon, now some folks think he's bad,
Well, you should meet his sweet old mother, and her brother, who's his dad.

Yes, they're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku Klux Klan
And he's gonna run for governor 'soon as he's out of the can
We're all from fine old families, the pride of all these hills
Yes, seven generations at the same illegal stills

Had a little rally the other night, Shot up town in a fury
Luke's arrested, Pa's on trial, And the rest of us are on the jury.

Now, we've heard them call us deadbeats, and we'd like to say we're not
We'll all stand on our record, and that's one thing we've all got
And we only have that arsenal so that you won't raise no fuss
And if you don't like that, then call the cops
'Cause the chances are, they're us.

Yes we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku Klux Klan
But somehow we went from the fire to the fryin pan
We never learned to hold a job, and we never learned to write
But boy, we sure have learned to use the ropes, 'cause we use them every night.

Now, when Congress calls you, don't get stuck;
Just start confessin and pass the buck
The Kludd blames the Klaxon, the Klaxon blames the Kleagle
The Kleagle blames the Grand Imperial Eagle
The Eagle blames the Wizard, the Wizard blames the Dragon
The Dragon takes the blame, but he's just braggin

Now, we're out to show the Congress that we're oh so nice and meek
Why we never even take the Fifth, 'cause we drank that all last week
And you'll never hear us shootin or hangin people high
'Cause we're learnin to respect the law and to have an alibi

Come, come, come, come to the church in the wildwood... (in background)

And, those dirty, lyin witnesses, Lord, forgive them what they speak.
We would go to church and pray for them... 'cept we blew it up last week

Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku Klux Klan
And we sure do thank that lawyer and that public relations man
So, we're sorry that we hung them, but they did have quite a tan
And it sure confused your friendly, liberal, misunderstood
Your friendly neighborhood Klan who says,
"What's wrong with a hood?"
Your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku Klux--
Grab your Cadillac and head for the hills.

-Chad Mitchell Trio, Your Friendly, Liberal, Neighborhood Ku Klux Klan


Thursday, April 22, 2004

"Love, at its most basic level, is illusory. You fall in love with nothing more than your own imagination."

-Karakan Benes

I think the only reason I don't subscribe to this belief unconditionally is for the implications it might have concerning the people around whom I have constructed such illusions.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Updated Signs that You're a Hopeless CS Major:

You refer to dice as random-number generators.
You start coding in your head.
...before you get out of bed.
You watch the Animatrix and cringe at their programming fallacies.
You hear people talking about 'getting head' and 'getting tail' and you think they're talking about linked lists.
...and you jump into the conversation.
...and don't understand why they're giving you such weird looks.
You think the phrase 'getting to third base' means 'converting decimal to trinary'.
You hear there's going to be a lecture on STD's and think it's about the ANSI standard.
You don't understand what the big deal is when you hear about parents forking children.
You precede all notes to yourself with two front-slashes.
You understand all the items in this list.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Random quotes

Some random quotes:

"In 1989, Don Eigler, a researcher at IBM famously nudged 35 xenon atoms around under a microscope to spell out the letters of the company. Less well publicised was that the task took 22 hours to complete and was carried out at nearly -270 degrees. At room temperature, the stunt would have been impossible. The atoms would have jiggled around and wandered off in the heat." Upon reading just the first sentence, one's imagination runs wild with thoughts of us shoving around atoms like schoolyard bullies, stacking them like firewood and playing with the very building blocks of creation. After reading the next sentence, though, one’s imagination is shot in the leg by the cold sniper of reality.

--From one of my lab reports

Emperor Dargath beckoned to his general, who dutifully stood at attention before him. With a benevolent smile, Dargath pulled out a gun and shot the man in the skull.

"S... sire, permission to speak freely?" A nod prompted the chamberlain to ask what was on the minds of everyone gathered: "W-Why did you kill him? He was easily the most accomplished, loyal, and capable of all your subjects."

Putting away his weapon, the emperor turned and smiled to his advisor. "To make it clear that none of you are so important that you cannot be replaced."

--I haven't actually used this one yet

"The House of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel was what they called it when they were speaking Chinese. Venerable because of his goatee, white as the dogwood blossom, a badge of unimpeachable credibility in Confucian eyes. Inscrutable because he had gone to his grave without divulging the Secret of the Eleven Herbs and Spices."

--Neal Stephenson, The Diamond Age

There is one exhibit in the museum which makes Knyazkin be especially proud of. This is the 30-centimeter preserved penis of Grigory Rasputin. “Having this exhibit, we can stop envying America, where Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis is now kept. … Napoleon’s penis is but a small ”pod“ it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimeters…” the head of the museum said.

--Russian Museum to Exhibit Rasputin's Penis (for those of you counting, 30 cm. ~= 11.8 in.)

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Updated Signs that You're a Hopeless CS Major:
You refer to dice as random-number generators.
You start coding in your head.
...before you get out of bed.
You watch the Animatrix and cringe at their programming fallacies.
You hear people talking about 'getting head' and 'getting tail' and you think they're talking about linked lists.
...and you jump into the conversation.
...and don't understand why they're giving you such weird looks.
You think the phrase 'getting to third base' means 'converting decimal to trinary'.
You hear there's going to be a lecture on STD's and think it's about the ANSI standard.

When I told Henry that last one, he gave me a blank stare and said, "Well, what else would it be about?"

Monday, March 1, 2004

Of THING and stuff

So, some notes of THING 2004.
And other stuff.

  • Whenever I'm riding down the freeway, and there's a long expanse of grass on the side of the road, I feel like opening the door and jumping out.

  • I feel like throwing myself in front of a car. Just to see what it feels like.

  • I want to kill someone, to see if I can. But the only one I want to kill deserves worse than that. And I don't think I could do that much.

  • She said she thought I was thin. A twig. That ranks up there with Claire calling me cute.

  • I want to smash my head against a wall when I hear it.

  • Whee, bullets.

If you're reading this, I hate you.

Monday, February 16, 2004

Hermits used to be revered as wise and holy men. Many of them were saints, and many a monastery sprung up around a monk who gained a following. The idea of the "wise man sitting atop a mountain" is a classic meme running through our society. Jesus spent several years in the desert with a hermetic group. Bodhidarma attained enlightenment after sitting in a cave for nine years.

Why then did one of my classes today involve a series of preachings by upperclassmen on how we must all go out and fraternize, gain experience and make friends? Why must we all be leaders and extroverted social fellows? Why is the lifestyle of being an introvert and spending your nights on the computer so frowned upon?

Guh. Makes me mad.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

I officially love my CS 290 class

Or maybe just my CS 290 professor.

We have several programming projects throughout the year--I believe six in all--and we currently are (supposed to be) working on the second one. Someone e-mailed Professor Brylow asking about the possibilities of an organized errata page, in order to list changes to the specs when mistakes are found in the projects. This was very useful last semester in CS 180.

The professor replied, rather arrogantly, "I haven't had any projects that required errata since the mid 90's. I intend to have none this semester." Both statements, he informed us, were true.

On Wednesday he came into the lecture hall, lit up the projector, and wrote "APOLOGY" at the top, and underneath that "4 BUGS". We had found four bugs in the sample executable the TA's had written and given to us to emulate.

The professor had printed out his e-mail and read it aloud to a class of 110 students, then proceeded to tear up the paper and literally eat his words.

Yes. Definitely love Professor Brylow.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004


Updated Signs that You're a Hopeless CS Major:
You refer to dice as random-number generators.
You start coding in your head.
...before you get out of bed.
You watch the Animatrix and cringe at their programming fallacies.
You hear people talking about 'getting head' and 'getting tail' and you think they're talking about linked lists.
...and you jump into the conversation.
...and don't understand why they're giving you such weird looks.
You think the phrase 'getting to third base' means 'converting decimal to trinary'.

A Crowd is Just a Gallery of Pictures

In Spanish, my junior year, Señor Smith asked some question and I was the only one to raise my hand. He made some comment along the lines of "Victor's the only one here", leaving out "who knows the answer". So from that we had a nice laugh and some conversations about how I was the only one in Spanish class, and all my classmates were just figments of my imagination.

I realized, at some point, that they were right.

Other people don't exist.

Those who walk around, smile, talk, and clearly exist in a physical sense, what are they? Are they human? No, they're just vague shells. Talking, moving automata and simulacra. They have no depth. What are their families like? What do they think, dream, hope, fear? What do they do in their spare time? As long as I'm just sitting at my desk listening to the teachers' lectures, none of those questions have any answers.

I can't feel terribly sad about tragedies that happen to people I don't know because those people are just names or numbers. When the World Trade Center was destroyed, I was upset in a general sense, but it never really bothered me that thousands of people lost their lives. And yet I can empathize with characters from books, comics, movies, television, roleplaying--characters that do not exist, never have, and never will--because they're more real to me than other people. I know they have feelings to be hurt, dreams to be lost, friends to be protected: I can see them, read about them.

But without a narrative like that explaining to me why I should care about these people, I just don't.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

It occurs to me how different I am from other people. In other journals, I read how people sleep late and are late (or nearly late) for class, or decide to sleep in, or simply skip a class. Some of them want to go to class, but they have these urges not to. I don't. Even if I don't like the class, I never feel like not going. It's not that I force myself to go, it's... it just isn't an option to me. It's not a chore, or an obligation, or a requirement, or something I should do, it's just what is.

Which is as good a segue as any into another difference. People ask me what I think of Purdue, or my classes, or... well, a lot of things. I don't. I don't think about them at all, and I especially don't bother forming opinions about them. They exist; my opinion will not change that. As Lennier put it, "What is, is. Opinion does not enter into it."

Also, some people seem to have lists about what sort of traits they're looking for in people with whom they'd pursue a relationship. Some people ask me what I look for in a woman. This question doesn't make any sense to me. I don't look for women. I don't look for relationships, or pursue any. If I happen to develop a crush, that's one thing, but I don't actively hunt.

At least, not for a romantic partner. *cleans off his axe*

Tuesday, January 6, 2004

In Babylon 5, the main questions asked throughout the series are "Who are you?" and "What do you want?" I've got a fair grasp on the first, but the latter... I don't know. I realized it, I think, when Henry asked me what I wanted to do over the rest of break. Obviously, I want to get the DVD set of the fourth season of B5, but beyond that, what sort of things do I want to do? What do I want to be? What do I want from life?

I have no idea.

I think I could be a programmer, but is that what I want? I get mad very easily when I can't solve something, and frankly I know very little about computers. Do I want to have kids in the future, be married? I can't see either of those happening, but do I want them? Do I even want a girlfriend, or more friends, or to be more outgoing and social? I just don't know. I don't seem to have any desires beyond making my friends happy.