Wednesday, January 21, 2004

It occurs to me how different I am from other people. In other journals, I read how people sleep late and are late (or nearly late) for class, or decide to sleep in, or simply skip a class. Some of them want to go to class, but they have these urges not to. I don't. Even if I don't like the class, I never feel like not going. It's not that I force myself to go, it's... it just isn't an option to me. It's not a chore, or an obligation, or a requirement, or something I should do, it's just what is.

Which is as good a segue as any into another difference. People ask me what I think of Purdue, or my classes, or... well, a lot of things. I don't. I don't think about them at all, and I especially don't bother forming opinions about them. They exist; my opinion will not change that. As Lennier put it, "What is, is. Opinion does not enter into it."

Also, some people seem to have lists about what sort of traits they're looking for in people with whom they'd pursue a relationship. Some people ask me what I look for in a woman. This question doesn't make any sense to me. I don't look for women. I don't look for relationships, or pursue any. If I happen to develop a crush, that's one thing, but I don't actively hunt.

At least, not for a romantic partner. *cleans off his axe*

Tuesday, January 6, 2004

In Babylon 5, the main questions asked throughout the series are "Who are you?" and "What do you want?" I've got a fair grasp on the first, but the latter... I don't know. I realized it, I think, when Henry asked me what I wanted to do over the rest of break. Obviously, I want to get the DVD set of the fourth season of B5, but beyond that, what sort of things do I want to do? What do I want to be? What do I want from life?

I have no idea.

I think I could be a programmer, but is that what I want? I get mad very easily when I can't solve something, and frankly I know very little about computers. Do I want to have kids in the future, be married? I can't see either of those happening, but do I want them? Do I even want a girlfriend, or more friends, or to be more outgoing and social? I just don't know. I don't seem to have any desires beyond making my friends happy.