Invasion of the Booty Snatchers?

Apparently, the AFA has a new DVD out, entitled They're Coming to Your Town. "They" being gays, who apparently are not born naturally and grow up in towns all across the country (and indeed, the world)--one can only imagine that they spring up out of the cracks of the earth fully grown, in leather, and sporting a bad mustache. Or perhaps they have to climb out of the Stygian depths on their own, and in so doing sprain their wrists so that they are forever limp. Or perhaps they're reptilian aliens descending from the stars, infiltrating our cities to force gay people on an unwilling and otherwise completely heterosexual nation, thereby weakening our defenses and leaving us open to an invasion.

Feministing has put up a transcript of their commercial (as has the Friendly Atheist, with a few minor tweaks). They also have the YouTube video, so visit them if you want to watch it.

Man: They've come out of the closet.

AFA presents a look at how a handful of homosexual activists infiltrated the Eureka Springs, Arkansas government and changed the very moral fiber of the city.

Man 2: They're taking over a place that has been known for its Christianity.

Man 1: They branded us as fundamentalists, as Christian hate bigots -

Man 2: Once homosexual activists get into power, they're not too tolerant toward other people.

Learn the strategies used by gay activists and don't let this happen to your city. This DVD is a must-teaching tool - watch, and learn how to fight a well-organized gay agenda to take over the cities of America, one city at a time.

Man 3: If it hasn't happened in your town, get ready, because it is going to happen.

Show it at home, in Sunday schools, Bible studies and community groups. Purchase your copy, or a 5 pack to share with others today, and spread the news - They're Coming To Your Town.

Yes, once those evil homosexual activists get into power, they strip you of all your rights. How dare they! Don't they know that that power is reserved for Christians to exercise on them? They're getting it all backwards!
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Your liberal media at work

CNN: "Bush has cooties"

Via Bob Harris
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Don't ask why I posted this; I don't know either.

[The scene is the inside of a house, in a living room. It's a cold winter night, and snow falls softly outside the window. A solitary figure, GRIEVING MAN, sits slumped in a chair, staring at a frame.

A knock at the door disturbs him, and as he moves towards the door he sets the frame down on a table, next to a bottle of Coke. The camera pauses to let us see the frame, holding a picture of JEAN, and the Coke.

GRIEVING MAN opens the door to reveal ZOMBIE JEAN. It's clearly the same woman as in the picture, but her movements are stiff and sluggish; her head remains stuck at an angle; her skin has a grayish, dead hue. When GRIEVING MAN sees her, he is aghast, and quickly begins sobbing in joy]

GRIEVING MAN: Oh my god... Jean? I thought I'd lost you...! The car crash--how did you--?

ZOMBIE JEAN: [eyes flickering past GRIEVING MAN to the Coke on the table, moaning in zombie fashion] Coookkkeee....

GRIEVING MAN: [ushering ZOMBIE JEAN into the house] Oh, yes! Of course! Come in. [ZOMBIE JEAN begins chugging the Coke, while GRIEVING MAN rambles and weeps uncontrollably] I've missed you so much. I can't believe you're still here; I could've sworn the doctors said you were DOA. Maybe I'll sue them, what do you think, dear? Oh god, it doesn't matter, now that you're here, now that you're back. [ZOMBIE JEAN finishes the Coke, turning the bottle upside down to verify that there's not a single drop left, and her eyes turn towards GRIEVING MAN] Everything's going to be all right now!

[CUT to the outside of the house, the snow still dusting the lawn and the house. We can see GRIEVING MAN and ZOMBIE JEAN's silhouettes through a lit window, with ZOMBIE JEAN advancing on GRIEVING MAN. GRIEVING MAN's voice is low and muffled, just a background noise, since we're outside the house now]

GRIEVING MAN: [suddenly unsure] Jean? What're you...?

[The silhouettes move past the window, as Coke's logo appears on the screen, over the roof of the house, and the NARRATOR speaks in a voice-over, reading the words on the screen]

NARRATOR: Coke!

GRIEVING MAN: [panicking, shrieking, though still a muffled background noise] Oh god, no! Jean! Stop!

[What can only be blood splashes the inside of the living room window, as the next line of text appears under the Coke logo on the screen, and the NARRATOR reads those lines, too]

NARRATOR: We'll bring your loved ones back from the dead.

---

[The scene is a warm spring day, outside in a park. People are walking their dogs, or taking a stroll, or sitting on the benches feeding the birds, or some--like HEALTHY MAN--are jogging down the track. The camera follows HEALTHY MAN as he goes on his route, leaving the park and jogging down the sidewalk, occasionally jogging in place when he gets caught at a light.

The scene cuts to the inside of HEALTHY MAN's apartment, staring at the inside of his door, which soon opens as HEALTHY MAN enters. The camera follows him as he strides over to his refrigerator and picks out a nondescript bottle]

HEALTHY MAN: Ahh... nothing like vegetable juice after a good morning's jog!

[HEALTHY MAN tilts his head back to drink, raising the bottle to his lips slowly. The liquid is about to reach his lips, when suddenly the camera cuts to his door as it is broken down and three HIRED GOONS charge into his apartment]

HEALTHY MAN: Hey, what the--? Who the hell are you? What are you doing?

[The HIRED GOONS don't speak. Instead, the first one to reach HEALTHY MAN snatches the bottle of vegetable juice from his hand and smashes it over his head.]

HEALTHY MAN: AAAH! Oh god! Oh my god, what the fuck did you do that for? Ahh! I need to go to the hospital!

[HEALTHY MAN begins to stagger away, towards the phone, but instead HIRED GOON 1 and HIRED GOON 2 ambush him and begin beating on him, and he cries out in pain at each of their blows. The camera cuts to HIRED GOON 3, who opens the fridge and takes out the rest of HEALTHY MAN's vegetable juice, then pours it down the sink. The muffled sounds of HEALTHY MAN's cries ensure us that his beating is still taking place.

Finally, the camera cuts to a clear tabletop as HIRED GOON 3 slams a bottle of Coke onto the surface. The bottle remains in focus as HIRED GOON 3 retreats into the background of the camera, joining HIRED GOON 1 and HIRED GOON 2. The three HIRED GOONS continue to kick HEALTHY MAN, who is now curled into a fetal position; the ongoing beating is out of focus as the camera focuses on the bottle of Coke]

NARRATOR: [voice-over] Coke: don't make us come down there.

---

Now I just need to figure out who to pitch these to.
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Friday Dead Racist Blogging: Secret Negro Presidents Edition

With Obama as the presumptive Democratic candidate for president, this November could bring about the election of the first African American president in history.

Unless you're of the opinion of John McLaughlin.

You make it sound as though this was the first time we've had a black president. ... Warren G. Harding was a negro!

McLaughlin is hardly alone in believing that Warren "Awesome Middle Name" Harding was black (or rather, that his great-great-grandfather was). This rumor surrounded Harding and his siblings throughout his life, and was published in newspapers nationwide just a few days before the 1920 presidential election. Douglas Daniel wrote in his essay "Ohio Newspapers and the 'Whispering Campaign' of the 1920 Presidential Election" (citations omitted):

Francis Russell reported in his Harding biography that a spiteful neighbor began the rumor after Harding's great-great-grandfather caught him stealing from his corn crib. Historian Robert K. Murray noted Hardings' ancestors lived near blacks after migrating in 1826 to central Ohio from Pennsylvania, which might have generated stories of intermarriage. Regardless of its validity, the rumor followed Harding throughout his life. As children growing up in the Ohio hamlet of Blooming Grove a few years after the Civil War, Harding and his brothers and sisters were taunted at times about being black.

The racist jeers continued even after he reached adulthood and began publishing the Marion Daily Star. A rival editor blasted Harding in print in May 1887: "We have no desire to draw the color line on the kink-haired youth that sees fit to use his smut machine only as a receptacle for a low order of adjectives--as nature did it for him." An editor at another Marion newspaper reportedly published the allegation of mixed blood while Harding was courting Florence De Wolfe, the daughter of a prominent Marion businessman. Nonetheless, they were married in 1891.

Harding's political career began in 1898 when he was elected to the first of two terms in the Ohio Senate. He was elected lieutenant governor in 1902 and later defeated for governor in 1910. He was concluding his first term in the United States Senate when he won the presidential nomination on the tenth ballot. The allegation that the Harding family was part black had surfaced in every Harding campaign for public office. However, Daugherty, his political ally, contended it had no impact, with the possible exception of the gubernatorial race that he lost in 1910, because voters considered it a lie. Harding rarely talked about the rumor, once telling a friend: "How do I know, Jim? One of my ancestors might have jumped the fence."

Several of the circulars that appeared during the 1920 campaign were linked to William Estabrook Chancellor. Once a superintendent of schools in Washington, D.C., he taught economics, politics, and social science at the College of Wooster, which is located about fifty miles south of Cleveland. In favor of Wilson and the League of Nations and against blacks and Jews, Chancellor wrote and distributed circulars and posters about Harding's genealogy. One circular stated that Harding's father was a mulatto and his grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-grandmother were black. Harding biographer Samuel Hopkins Adams contended Chancellor printed the circulars because he "had an obsession on the Negro question."

So there you have it. If you're a senile old loon like McLaughlin, you may believe that Obama will be our second black president, not our first.

Of course, if you're like J.A. Rogers or Auset Bakhufu, you might even believe that Obama'd be our sixth or seventh black president. And that's not even bringing Clinton into it.
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That straight-talking maverick!

My friends, I will have an energy policy that we will be talking about, which will eliminate our dependence on oil from the Middle East that will - that will then prevent us - that will prevent us from having ever to send our young men and women into conflict again in the Middle East.

So John McCain is admitting that the Iraq war is all about oil? Is that why he wants us there for the next hundred years, then?

Via Atrios.
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Their last name isn't even spelled the same!

Well, we knew that Fox can't distinguish between two black people, and now we find out that they can't even distinguish between two people with similar last names.

When discussing that Clinton has challenged Obama to what she styled a "Lincoln/Douglas" debate, Fox flashed an image on the screen to illustrate (in a Lord Privy Seal kinda manner). On the right-hand side was Abraham Lincoln. On the left-hand side was... Frederick Douglass.

Granted, it's hard to tell Stephen Douglas and Frederick Douglass apart. One was an ardent supporter of slavery who claimed that blacks were inferior to whites and that the Declaration of Independence's statement "all men are created equal" did not apply to them, whereas the other was a leading abolitionist and one-time vice-presidential candidate for the Equal Rights Party. But they're both dead.

Via This Modern World, which has a screen capture if you don't want to watch the video clip at Huffington Post.
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Behold, the next Uri Geller!

Via the JREF.
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The free market fairy is probably held up somewhere else

Witness the free market in action!

The Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994 (DSHEA) allows herbal and non-herbal supplements to be sold in the US without demonstration of effectiveness or safety. Despite recent improvements in Good Manufacturing Practices required of supplement manufacturers, these products still pose significant risks to the population simply because the hands of regulatory authorities are tied - products cannot be removed from the market until there is evidence for lack of safety, meaning that consumers must first be harmed before FDA is authorized to intervene.

Observe how it solves all our consumer woes with its invisible, magical hand:

The FDA notified healthcare professionals and patients that it has found hazardous levels of selenium in samples of certain flavors of the dietary supplement products "Total Body Formula" and "Total Body Mega Formula." Analyses of samples by FDA have found most of the samples contain extremely high levels of selenium -- up to 200 times the amount of selenium indicated on the labels of the products. The FDA has received 43 reports of persons from nine states who experienced serious adverse reactions using these products. The adverse reactions generally occurred after five to 10 days of daily ingestion of the product, and included significant hair loss, muscle cramps, diarrhea, joint pain, deformed fingernails, and fatigue. Consumers should stop taking the products and consult their healthcare professional if they experience any adverse events associated with the use of the products.

Lament those who would try to break the finger of the magical, invisible hand of the free market with their regulations and safeguards:

The Coalition [to Preserve DSHEA] is described as, "a non-profit coalition comprised of major suppliers of dietary supplement products and services, as well as leading industry trade associations and other supporters." This organization is also behind the website, SaveOurSupplements.org, to "protect your access to safe, effective, & affordable dietary supplements."

Safe? Effective? Neither of these attributes are required by current legislation. So please don't insult us by implying this is the case.

Affordable? Now I see. Preventing any requirements for prospective demonstration of safety or confirmation of supplement content would certain cut into profit margins.

Silly Pharmboy. Don't you know that if you demand that things aren't poisonous, then production costs will go up, and therefore things will cost more? Just ask Erin Burnett:

And that's why the free market fails.
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Not that those of you who read this blog even know about this

Richard Dawkins has a review of Expelled up. My favorite bit is probably this:

[Ben] Stein has no talent for comedy, as he demonstrates in a weird joke about scratching his back, which falls completely flat.

Well, we already knew that about Stein. But there's more:

But his attempt to do tragedy is even worse. He visits Dachau and, when informed by the guide that lots of Jews had been killed there, he buries his face in his hands as though this is the first time he has heard of it.

It sounds like it's not only a disgusting "Darwin was a Nazi!" propaganda piece, but a truly abominable piece of film-making as well.
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Top wo nerae!

Astronauts to Work on Giant Robot!

I don't care what the article says. I will imagine that they are constructing Gunbuster up there.
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It doesn't matter what Clinton does or says, either

She will also be accused of racism.

Here's an editorial on the Clinton 3 AM phone ad:

I have spent my life studying the pictures and symbols of racism and slavery, and when I saw the Clinton ad's central image — innocent sleeping children and a mother in the middle of the night at risk of mortal danger — it brought to my mind scenes from the past. I couldn't help but think of D. W. Griffith's "Birth of a Nation," the racist movie epic that helped revive the Ku Klux Klan, with its portrayal of black men lurking in the bushes around white society. The danger implicit in the phone ad — as I see it — is that the person answering the phone might be a black man, someone who could not be trusted to protect us from this threat.

The ad could easily have removed its racist sub-message by including images of a black child, mother or father — or by stating that the danger was external terrorism. Instead, the child on whom the camera first focuses is blond. Two other sleeping children, presumably in another bed, are not blond, but they are dimly lighted, leaving them ambiguous. Still it is obvious that they are not black — both, in fact, seem vaguely Latino.

Finally, Hillary Clinton appears, wearing a business suit at 3 a.m., answering the phone. The message: our loved ones are in grave danger and only Mrs. Clinton can save them. An Obama presidency would be dangerous — and not just because of his lack of experience. In my reading, the ad, in the insidious language of symbolism, says that Mr. Obama is himself the danger, the outsider within.

Right.

Here is the Clinton ad:


Here is a portion of The Birth of a Nation:


The resemblance is uncanny, no?

Seriously, though. In Birth of a Nation, that 3-hour paean to the Klan, the racism was hardly subtle. In that clip alone, you had blacks holding white people hostage at gunpoint, a white woman tied up and gagged, and later picked up bodily to be carried off by a black brute--at which point the heroic, dashing Klansmen jump in to save the day. Where is any of that in Clinton's ad?

Perhaps professor Patterson was watching the ad with the sound off, and so missed the parts where the narrator asked whether the viewers wanted "someone who already knows the world's leaders, knows the military, someone tested and ready to lead in a dangerous world." Yes, the message was that Clinton and not Obama could save our loved ones in the case of a catastrophe--but it nowhere suggested that Obama himself would be that catastrophe! (Is Obama a WMD?) It was fairly clear that his supposed inexperience would be the killer, not his Negro-born rapacious lust for whites. The only "symbols"--which the professor was supposedly paying attention to--were the stock footage of sleeping children. These, rather obviously, symbolize purity, innocence, tranquility, peace, all of which could be jeopardized by a phone call. But there's nothing in there to suggest that the threat is a scary black man "lurking in the bushes." Stop it already.

Via Atrios.

[Edit] Actually, I've considered this a bit further and I think I may have been too hasty. I mean, Patterson was looking for hidden racist symbols in the Clinton ad, and I think I've found one: clearly, the white sheets those sleeping babes are lying upon are meant to represent the white robes of the Klan, right? They're there, keeping our children safe and secure in their homes, protecting them from the darkness of night. So yeah, when you look at it that way, how could you miss the overtures to Birth of a Nation? If only Clinton had used some colored sheets, then any suspicions of racism would be completely unfounded!
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At least the show sounds okay, maybe

My brother sent me this article because he thought it would enrage me. He was right.

TLC has found one more untapped fantasy—at least for mothers. We're not talking about "The Manny." No, this is the one where you're a woman who's been home with your kids so long that you can't remember the last time you wore hard-soled shoes. Then someone (say, former sitcom star Tracey Gold) comes by and says, "Hey, you know how you always wanted to be a fashion designer, cop or chef? Well, we'll give you a week to try it out—without your family knowing. Then at the end of the week you get to choose whether to restart your career or stay home. And guess what: your kids and husband will support you either way."

Sounds dreamy, right? Well, not to everyone. If the initial reaction to the "Secret Life of a Soccer Mom," (Mondays at 10 p.m. ET) is any indication, TLC has struck one of the rawest nerves of parenting. In the show's March 3 premier Adrian Stark, a mother of three girls in suburban California, decides to go back to work full-time as a high fashion designer after 10 years at home. Stark's daughters are awestruck by the gowns she makes, and when she's offered a job, her physician husband gets teary with joy: "I'm seeing Adrian get something that I have been unable to give her, which is completeness."

This family is so sweet it makes your teeth ache. But as soon as the show aired, TLC's online message boards were jammed with comments from women outraged that Adrian would choose a career over being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM in parent lingo). The posts said the premise of the show is "sick" and Adrian is "selfish." One mom wrote, "Let's show the other side of the story … how the kids' world is going to be turned upside down by having to go to day care." Another woman goes even further: "Unless you're about to starve there is no reason for you to be at work. If you didn't want to raise your children, you should not have had them. It's child abandonment."

Adrian's wish to fill a missing creative void raised even more hackles: "Could any more feminist crap be shoved down our throats? The idea that you need a career to be complete? How about feeling complete by parenting your kids the right way?" And even if you agree with the mothers who support Adrian's choice to offer her daughters a career role model, you can see why some SAHMs might be a little miffed by a program that opens with a song whose lyrics include "time to lose the minivan..."

Yes! How dare a woman choose to live her life differently from how I choose she should live her life!

And yes, damn those feminists who think that women are people capable of living their own lives and thinking for themselves instead of tools to be used to raise the next generation of men! Next thing you know, those liberal Hollywood feminists will try to teach us that women can enjoy sex, too, or that they can learn math without their brains overheating!
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Zardoz has spoken!

I have written a little before about how Republicans are, well, bed-wetting terrified pansies. It's obvious to anyone who's been paying attention that the Republican tactic is to terrify everyone with the idea that terrorists are lurking just around the corner to kill them, and the only way to be saved is to let them do exactly what they want, without any constraints or oversight.

I'm not sure that anything epitomizes the right-wing's obsession with living in a constant state of paranoia and fear more than this post mocked relentlessly over at Sadly, No!

Every once in a while I go down to my basement library and re-read a book by gun expert Jeff Cooper (now deceased) just to keep myself in a self-defense mindset.

To wit: whenever she feels that she is not scared enough, she retreats to an isolated place where she can reconstruct her state of fear and remind herself that other people, especially if they're a different color or social caste, are dangerous, sub-human animals out to kill her and only her precious guns will protect her.

Speaking of which, does anyone else think that the opening scene of Zardoz is an almost perfect description of right-wingers nowadays?

Zardoz speaks to you, his chosen ones.

You have been raised up from brutality, to kill the brutals who multiply, and are legion. To this end, Zardoz your god gave you the gift of the gun.

The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth, and kill!

Zardoz has spoken.

If you change the penis demonization to penis worship and/or vagina demonization it would be perfect.
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Yes you are!

As xkcd so eloquently put it, you're a kitty!



Via Shakesville.
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Tuesday Fake Racist Blogging: C.H. Dalton's Office Hours

That's what happens when you don't buy the book.
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Tuesday Fake Racist Blogging: C.H. Dalton on Cartoons

Buy the book and no-one gets hurt.
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Tuesday Fake Racist Blogging: C.H. Dalton on the Concept of Race

Probably not the greatest of the lectures, but I think my brother will get a kick out of the line "these critics, mostly P.C. types and tree-hugging Jewish homosexuals--some Wiccans".

Buy the book.
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"By the way, the word 'colored' still flies down there, so get your fill."

I don't read Feministing as often as perhaps I ought to, so I just found this:



I don't know why they didn't just cut to the chase and use the slogan "Negroes have big dicks."
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Tuesday Fake Racist Blogging: C.H. Dalton and A Message for the Kids

Buy the book.
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Tuesday Fake Racist Blogging: C.H. Dalton on Ranking the Races

I tried to make out the entire list of races on the blackboard, but couldn't. So I asked Professor Dalton. Here's my letter to him:

Professor Dalton,

In your latest video, "Ranking the Races", I'm afraid that I can't quite make out the list of the lesser races. Here is my guess as to what you've written on your blackboard:
1. Whites
2. Blacks
3. Indians
4. Arabs
5. Hispanics
6. Asians
7. Jews
8. Merpeople
9. Gypsies
10. Cablinasians
11. Gays
12. Women
13. Bratz
14.
15. The elderly
16.
17. Muggles

I'm afraid that I can't quite make out 13-17, and without this knowledge, how am I to know whom I should scorn worse? Could you please provide the full list?

Thank you.

And here's his reply:

Dr. REDACTED:

Yes, I'm afraid the Jew-run Internet doesn't provide the kind of resolution needed to show all the subtleties of my video scholarship. The end of the list should read as such:

13. Bratz
14. Sasquatches
15. The Elderly
16. Draculas
17. Puggles

Muggles are merely "non-Wizards," and therefore not a race. Nor are Wizards -- it's really more of a skill set.

I hope this clears things up for you. Use the list in good health.

Once again, buy the book. Don't make me hurt you.
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