I can't wait to vote on marriage. I have studied the issue carefully so I know it will work like this: If you want to get married, you have to put your choice of spouse on the ballot. Nobody can walk down the aisle unless we all think you should. At last. We people will have the power we really want.
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[D]oes your sister want to marry a no-goodnik? She should know better, but she doesn't. We would "vote no" on that guy long before the bachelor party. That woman your brother likes? The one who is taking a break from ruling the demons of evil just to ruin your life? Stopped long before the altar. Imagine the bumper stickers. Save Joe! Vote No! Vote Yes on Maryellen, It's Her Last Chance! No on Tiffany, For the Love of God!
Of course, this referendum question is really about sex. So before your wedding is approved, we will have to observe you in flagrante delicto, which is Latin for "in the back seat." I don't know how the Legislature will make that work. Maybe you'll be on YouTube, or maybe you'll have to canvass door-to-door. Gosh, it's going to be time-consuming and tough on the furniture.
I also liked this part:
[I]f history repeats, the referendum question will be so confusing that everyone will just vote no. The question will be written by a monkey who was raised by wolves. Not smart wolves, but wolves raised by referendum writers.
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