Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Amusing Thanksgiving Break quotes

Mom: "I've been slaving all day over a hot... skillet." (or something; all I remember is, it wasn't 'stove')
Henry: "I've been slaving all day over a hot computer."
Me: [Clapping my half-naked elder step-brother on the shoulder] "I've been slaving all day over a hot blonde."

...There was another I wanted to post, but I've forgotten it. Will post later, if'n I remember.
From alicublog:

REV. JAMES EARL BONAFIDE: [...] So, are you all homosexuals, or just the women?

PROFESSOR FRENZNERL: That seems rather a tactless thing to say. Fortunately my kind believes that violence never solved anything.

REV. JAMES EARL BONAFIDE: Now that's just Satanic. Our Lord Jesus Christ used to get into fistfights all the time, just to show the disciples who was boss. And when he drove the moneychangers from the temple, he actually broke a man's neck and killed him. They tried to hush it up, but you'll find a full account of it in the Gnostic Gospels.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

I'm sure none of you care what I've been up to lately, but seeing as you're still here you've not yet learned your lesson.

I've been reading about sex, cunnilingus, fellatio, masturbation and the variety of devices used therefor, mutual masturbation, anal sex, varieties of positions, homosexuality and heterosexuality, incest, orgies, and communication in the midst of coitus.

In animals, that is. *shifty eyes*

And now, for bizarre oddities.
"Male Botos [a species of river dolphin] occasionally insert the penis into a male partner's blowhole (on the top of his head!), while male Orang-utans have been observed retracting their penis to form a sort of "hollow" or concavity that another male can penetrate."

Sunday, November 21, 2004

A photo caption of the AFP on November 16 reads: "A British hooligan in the streets of Belgium. The typical Briton is polite, witty and phlegmatic, but lacks a certain style and has a dental hygiene issue while having an occasional drinking problem"

And, if you were to listen to the people I've been arguing with, the typical Muslim is indoctrinated to commit genocide. Why, it's shocking that the streets of America haven't been awash with blood, what with our 6-7 million Muslims living in our very midst!

But it's interesting to see how they condemn the Qu'ran for saying that they should kill infidels, while ignoring the fact that the same commandments exist exist in Judaism. Or they'll go on and on about Muhammad attacking other tribes and conveniently make up excuses for the fact that Moses and Joshua did exactly the same thing. Not to mention what Judah, David, Samson, and everyone else did. And then these people will rail against Muslims for forcibly converting people and killing infidels... all the while apparently completely ignorant of just what Christian missionaries and the Spanish Inquisition did.

These people annoy me.
But these two images amuse me.

Monday, November 15, 2004

A "strategery"

  • Whenever somebody goes off about how the Bible says fags are sinners, I plan on asking them if they have children.

    If they say they do, I will ask them if those children have ever not listened to them.

    If they answer in the affirmative, I will ask them, if they are such fans of the Bible, why they still have these children.

  • If somebody says that all Muslims are depraved, vile creatures who are taught to slaughter all infidels, I will ask them to look up Deuteronomy 13:6 and Deuteronomy 13:13.

    I also plan on memorizing this and reciting it to the next Mormon I meet.


Thursday, November 11, 2004



That is all.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

National Priorities

Am I the only one who thinks that organizing the largest temper tantrum in known history is just a mite childish?Australia: Create literate, and thus safer, cars
America: Grow rat brains to run your flight simulator
Germany: Revolutionize beer-brewing techniques

I wonder what Henry would think if I told him that the flight simulators he loves so much are capable of being operated by a rat brain with less than 1/40000 the number of brain cells a human has.

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

Am I the only one who thinks that organizing the largest temper tantrum in known history is just a mite childish?

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Four more years....

Weep for the future, Na'Toth.
Weep for us all.


Tuesday, November 2, 2004

I gave blood yesterday, for the first time. The lady gave me a foam piggy to squeeze as she sucked my blood; I wanted to keep it, but she said I couldn't.
But now I know that those who say you're supposed to get dizzy and hungry after having your blood drained are vile, pernicious liars.

Anyways. According to one site I'm following, most (in fact, all the ones that they're keeping track of) of the news channels have declared that both Indiana and Kentucky have gone to Bush. I am deeply ashamed.
The cleansings shall begin tomorrow. *sharpens his blades*

There have been numerous statements made to the effect of "If Bush gets reelected, I'm fleeing the country." But if we all do that, it'll just leave Bush's constituency as the sole population of America--then he'll be completely unopposed, and able to pass any crazy laws he likes. Imagine if he were able to repeal the 22nd amendment.

And now, Pope Buddha the First--the waterfowl previously known as Duck--shall boggle your minds with his geniosity.

Today, Duck shall use mathematical induction to debunk the Holocaust.
What is mathematical induction, you ask? It is a technique used to prove a proposition true for the entire set of natural numbers. First, you must prove the proposition true for some initial number N0, which is usually 0 or 1, but could be anything. Then you prove that if the proposition holds for N, it must hold for N + 1. This has a domino effect of proving the proposition true for all numbers greater than or equal to N0.

(As an aside, the opposite of induction is called infinite descent, which would make an excellent name for one of the moves of Harold the Dork Knight.)

As an example, just to whet your appetite, Duck shall prove that all horses in a set of N horses are the same color.
Base case: Clearly, this is true when N = 1. All horses in any set of 1 horse are the same color.
Inductive step: Assume that the proposition holds for N = K; that is, all the horses in a set of K horses are the same color. Consider then any group of K + 1 horses--let us number them 1,2,3,...,k,k+1. By our assumption, the first K horses (1,...,k) are the same color, as are the last K horses (2,...,k+1). Since these two sets overlap, all K + 1 horses must be of the same color. Therefore, the proposition is true for K + 1 and thus all horses are the same color.

And now, Duck's long-awaited proof that the Holocaust was an odious lie. The so-called "Holocaust" involved the deaths of millions of people; Duck shall prove that no-one, in fact, died in the Holocaust, and therefore it did not happen.
Base case: We know that there is at least one person that "survived" this "Holocaust", and therefore did not die. Let us call him "Magneto".
Inductive step: Assume there are K people who did not die in the Holocaust. Add Magneto to this group to arrive at a group of K + 1 people who did not die in the Holocaust.
Ergo, nobody died in the Holocaust.